She's Alive!

Long time no blog, huh? What's it been...almost five months? Sorry about that - I had quite a run. There's lots to catch up on & more than a few things I would like to share. Thus, how about if we just jump right in, ok? *Smile*

So why no new blog posts for such an extended period? My career was certainly a big distraction. Lets face it, these are crazy times and we're all extra focused upon work these days, no?

I also regained a sense of passion with a variety of important interests - I even made it out to the golf driving range last month. How did that go? Well...if I'm facing a right dog-leg with no trees or related barriers - I'm likely to set some course records. *Laugh* My horrid slice did begin to improve over the last third of my bucket thanks to an adorable pro's advice. Playing golf as a woman is not just about hitting from those red tee's (which is really nice) - it's also about getting all kinds of help from nearby men even if you don't ask for it (which is also really nice). *Grin* I'm keeping a close eye on my left shoulder (damaged in 2001 by a f***ing psycho-fan). Hopefully, it won't act up & I can actually once again enjoy a few rounds of links in 2010.

Honestly? I don't recall the last time my life was this well-balanced physically, spiritually & emotionally. It's nice. However, none of this is really the root cause for my extended silence.

Simply stated - I'm finding it increasingly challenging to dedicate much time to my "transgender" life. My current existence? It's now almost totally non transgender. Thus, unless it's part of time I already budgeted (SCC, etc.), I have little patience and even less interest in any form of "tranny talk".

With that in mind, I wish to offer an apology to those of you that sent notes and / or questions these last several months. Unless I happened to receive your letter just as I was on-line (and it was a fairly simple query) - I let my response "pile" build up to a point where it became insurmountable. A positive byproduct of this distancing is that I'm making real progress towards creating some killer new content for reneereyes.com - primarily within the new "transition" guide and the Admirer's Handbook / TG-Dating information. I feel confident I'll start uploading much of this in the first quarter of 2010 & be able to complete the first phase by June. I didn't realize what a monumental undertaking it was to re-tool a site as large as mine into an even larger presence with improved navigation. It's a bitch, but I'm getting there.

With all this in mind, I decided to take a couple of steps to create some workable boundaries with my work in Genderland, including:

I removed my email link - I simply don't have the time to respond to personal queries. I wish I did, but I do not. No new mentoring - I put in over ten years of support to tranz-women - including a handful of gals that I directly mentored through various phases of transition or gender expression. I'm now officially "retired" in that regard. If someone has a question, I'm asking they add it to my guestbook & I'll try and address their issue within some of the new content I will be providing. That way I'm able to help many & maintain a better semblance of order in my new life. I'll start blogging again each month - My blog is important to some & it also serves as an easy means for me to keep old friends updated on my crazy life. It's a good habit that I want to maintain.

Fair enough?
So what's been happening these last five months?
Hmmmm, let's see...

My 30-Year High School Reunion A thirty-year class reunion can be a bit traumatic even under the best of circumstances. However, when a football team captain returns to a small town in western Kentucky as a woman? Well, it's hard to imagine how that wouldn't be somewhat eventful.

My plans to attend my reunion were aggravated by a few nasty emails from classmates less than supportive regarding my new life, including one anonymous coward who served up a pair of threats regarding my potential appearance. Lets be honest - after all I've been through in my journey - I don't exactly get scared by some 48-year-old backwards jerk from Owensboro, Ky. If you're gonna' threaten me? You better be coming with more than an attitude. Alas, you can take the girl out of the trailer park...*Laugh* Still, the last thing I wanted was to be the cause of some consequential distraction for my fellow classmates during what was supposed to be a joyous occasion. Thanks to the classy kindness of a now badge-wielding fellow classmate, I was able to attend with a sense of assurance that anything bizarre would be handled - thank you very much, Mark.

The Saturday night gathering (I didn't make the Friday event) was held at the social hall of St Pious X out on Highway 60 & I arrived amidst of pouring rain...fitting, huh? *Laugh* The event was nothing short of outstanding thanks to all the hard work of the organizers, namely, Desla, Dawn, Terry & Allison . I can't say I was ever able to just relax and enjoy the moment but I was glad I went. I had a chance to connect with a number of old cronies. I sadly discovered that one of my dearest old friends from high school - Jeff Gray - had passed away two years before. Finding that out was a big downer & I decided to leave shortly afterwards. Having already lost my best childhood friend - Rob Puckett - to a murder in 2004 and all my immediate family over the years, hearing about Jeff was just too much to take. There remains one more dear friend from my early childhood that I'm hoping to reconnect with in 2010. He was at the reunion but we didn't find our way to talk. I actually have two very important people from my past where I'm struggling in terms of finding the right words to reconnect. I want them in my life, I need them in my life - yet every time I start to reach out? The words escape my soul. What does that mean? I don't know. However, I hope it's something it changes soon.

Anyway...

The following day, I traveled about town - visiting new & old landmarks. It's amazing what a big deal little changes are in a small town. Also, I grabbed a burger at the Dairy Drive-In on Parish Avenue...and was comforted by the fact they were still as tasty as ever. I enjoyed a vanilla latte at a downtown coffee shop with a lovely outdoor seating area...that was an unexpected pleasure. I stopped by the house where I grew up but it didn't take long before I started getting rather emotional. Thus, I didn't make the subsequent visit to my family's gravesites - I was just too drained. It was time to go...and I was definitely ready to leave.

I gotta' be honest - once I hit the open road I felt that I never wanted to go back to Owensboro. I felt like I did not belong, I felt pain, and I felt lonely. Upon further reflection over the past couple of months, I decided the problem was rooted in the fact I had gone so many years without direct contact with these old friends. Let's face it: a tree is never stronger than its roots and some of mine are damaged & in need of care. I intend to begin fixing that in 2010.

Also, I'm now totally "outed" in my hometown. Although my life was never any big secret, I was able to anonymously stop-in & visit on occasion. Those days are over and that's probably a good thing.
Thus, a new chapter begins...

Equals Bar: Owensboro Kentucky

Speaking of "new chapters"? A definite highlight of my trip back to Owensboro was a visit to " Equals " - a gay / alternative bar located just off the downtown sector at 1006 East 4th Street. I heard about this place through the grapevine but was having difficulty creating a mental image of its existence. The concept of a successful gay bar in my hometown seemed about as likely as a high-volume pork barbeque joint in Tel-Aviv, know what I mean?

Although my life is now rather sedate, you would be hard-pressed to find another gal with more experience in the bar & club scene across America than yours truly. Dating back to my jaunts to Studio 54 in the early 80's, I tasted the energy of pretty much every licensed form of social gathering known to man, woman or beast over the years. I'm not easily impressed.

It's worth noting that the continuing acceptance of transgenderism across mainstream America is creating a decline in the number & quality of successful gay, lesbian & tranz clubs within large cities. Atlanta is certainly a victim of this phenomenon. However, in the smaller towns...where alternative expression is less integrated? The vibrant energy from days gone-by is alive & well. Equals Bar in Owensboro is a classic example in this regard.
The lead bartender "Scott" was friendly & vigilant regarding fast service in what quickly became a crowded club. As it happened, they were filing a segment of Extreme Makeover / Home Edition in Owensboro and much of that cast & crew were visiting Equals at the same time as yours truly.

The DJ was first-rate - even by Atlanta standards. However, my biggest shock was the quality of DRAG entertainment from the show headliners Erica Dawn & Monica Hillz. These gals worked hard on their acts - something I rarely witness in Atlanta any longer. Even the Tranz-men / DRAG Kings were well represented (Good job, Jake!). I had the pleasure of chatting with Kelly - the club's owner - before I left. He's adorable & the ideal person to represent this unique success story.

The bottom line?

If you ever find yourself in western Kentucky on a weekend and are under the delusion there couldn't possibly be a fun alternative club to spend your night, you'll get a pleasant surprise with a visit to Equals in Owensboro, Kentucky.

Atlanta's Social Butterfly

Naturally, the last five months were a source of more than a few fun events. What was worth noting?

I went to a great live concert that included the Doobie Brothers & Bad Company at Chastain Park with my old friends Mike Scott & Bill Medley this summer. Live music from your youth is such a special experience, 'ya know? In a flash, you're right down memory lane and for just a moment - time transcends reality. We had a blast!

My dear friend Lu celebrated her 30th birthday at a party hosted at a friend's house in Sandy Springs. The host is an architect & the home showed accordingly - with an absolutely killer backyard that was bricked into an incredibly cozy setup for just such a gathering. Additionally, there was a hot tub overlooking a waterfall which served to fill a lovely swimming pool. As the night wore on, the temptation to test the waters overwhelmed us and almost everyone ended up soaking wet. I ended up floating about the pool in an oversized inner tube. I guess I found a new means to sober up after too much Vino, no? *Laugh*

Also, we held a several house / dinner parties including a special gathering for Esther - my roomies housekeeper of over twenty years. Esther is a very cool lady & exceptionally skilled with cleaning - something I admire. We invited her entire family & spent the day serving her for a change. It was a joyous gathering.

What else? My dear friend Sid gifted a pair of tickets to Iztach Perlman at the Fox Theater in downtown Atlanta. Thus, Kristin & I pulled out some classy threads & showed up for what proved to be a phenomenal performance. Of course, at intermission - we lost much of our sensibilities & stocked up on chocolate treats - complete with an XL-bag of buttered popcorn...yum, yum. Thus, the second half of the show took on a whole new meaning. Let's face it - you just can't take those damned tranny's any place that's classy. *Laugh*

This year's Gay Pride, 2009 in Atlanta was postponed from it's usual date in June due to an inability to secure Piedmont Park as the primary venue. Thus, Pride-o-Ween was born on this Halloween night in Atlanta. As you might expect in late October, it rained - which put a damper on what should have been an extra wild evening. I did my Marilyn Monroe routine while Kristin once again stole the show with her flawless rendition of Sarah Palin.
We made it back home just after midnight. Can you believe that? There was time when I didn't even walk out the door until midnight. God, I'm getting old!
Finally, I once again stopped by for a night at SCC in Atlanta. As always, it was great to see many old friends & make a few new acquaintances. Worth noting is the outstanding head bartender at the Hyatt Ravinia "Work" - who goes out of his way to make everyone of any persuasion feel welcome. That's always special.

It's not a job...it's an adventure!

Having been "single" for about a year, I began my adventure of "dating" by posting an ad at traditional sites like Match.com . Ugh...not a good idea. *Laugh* No matter if I put the fact I'm a transsexual in large CAPS at the beginning of my ad, most men just went directly to the photos & subsequently to email link - only to discover their oversight during subsequent communication. Thus, more than one subsequently lashed out at me in less than positive terms. It wasn't worth the potential anguish after a long day of work. I deleted both of these types of ads.

I settled upon a couple of sites exclusive to tranz-females. However, I was surprised to find I was already "on" one of them - at least a few of my photos were. *Laugh* There seems to be a pair of individuals out there that constantly use my photos in their personal ads. Friends alerted me accordingly over the years & I tried to stay on top of it - but there's really not much I can do. I am curious as to how they will deal with actually meeting someone? That would be a bit challenging, no? *Laugh*

Anyway...

I'm now in a fairly positive state of mind regarding my dating adventures. Please cross your fingers for me. I'm in a good place in terms of most aspects of my life. It would be nice to share the next legs of my journey with someone extra special. Oh, yeah...and I also miss having "sex". *Laugh*

Mom's 80th Birthday

October 30th, 2009 marked my mother's 80th birthday. I held vigil in her honor by lighting a candle aside a favorite photo and subsequently reading though a litany of old cards & letters. It was a very emotional albeit cathartic experience. I laughed, I cried & I smiled. Mom was such an extraordinary lady. I considered all my efforts to emulate her best qualities and felt misery from the realization of how poorly I compare. I decided to rededicate my efforts in her honor. There could be no better role model on being an incredible woman, than my mother. I don't intend to waste that gift.

Later this same night while trying to find sleep, I further reflected upon how much I miss my mother's presence - big mistake.

Subsequently, I didn't just start crying...I began f***ing wailing. It got to a point I even couldn't catch my breath. What is it about a "mother" that we all yearn for? I think it's that safe place of unconditional love that's so rare & sacred in this life.

I'm thankful for what I had - but I truly miss her. Damn it...I'm crying again!
Time for a coffee & pee-pee break...then I'll finish this long overdue blog update.

The New Magic Show

On a very bright note, my BFF Kristin & I decided to recreate my old magic show into something new. I've dreamed of some sort of launch of my old vistas in magic & performing on numerous occasions but never found the time or energy to drive those ideas into reality. Partnering with Kristin turned out to be the "missing link".

Kristin's skills in this regard are extraordinary. As a film major in college, she's actually just a frustrated "Stephanie Spielberg" - and her clever adoptions for our new show rival her namesake. She's amazing & I don't think we'll disappoint with the new act.

Unfortunately, before we could make any real progress - I had to pull the larger illusions from my storage unit. That was no small feat. Naturally, these items were mixed into the very rear of my unit...UGH!! Thus, I hired a couple of movers (very cute, by the way), pulled the needed items - and ended up rearranging the rest of my "stuff" (I'm glad that's done).

I'll be sharing more soon regarding this new magic act. We hope to do a couple of soft launches during the first quarter of 2010 - followed by a grand opening sometime in the spring. Stay tuned...we'll be uploading an exclusive website for the show at that time.

EBay Fall Sale

Although it's starting a couple of month's late, I will be posting my usual "fall sale" on ebay beginning December 5th, 2009. I use two ID's (Dramagica & FashionAssembly) to cover the variety of items I offer : Please take a look - there's always some unique & fun "stuff" from my closets & my life - I'm even including some old magic tricks in this fun sale.

I suppose that's about all the news that's fit to print.

Until next month...

My best to one & all...

Keep the faith!

Renee